Top 10 Things Japanese Husbands DON'T Want to Hear

Good morning everyone,

If you were hoping that it wasn't going to rain today, I think you're going to end up disappointed. It's supposed to start raining mid-morning and continue through the rest of the day. The good news is that tomorrow is looking less like rain and more like it'll just be overcast. The rest of the long weekend looks pretty nice, it'll be sunny and warm on Sunday and Monday with highs around 18C both days and that nice weather should continue into next week.

In personal interactions in Japan, it’s common for people to avoid confrontations rather than charge into them. On top of that, mainstream attitudes generally work out so that women are, on average, more accommodating and differential than men.

That doesn’t mean that married life in Japan is all “I have prepared your supper, Honored Husband,” and “Shall I draw you a bath?” though. When their displeasure passes a certain threshold, Japanese women are as capable of spitting angry fire at their spouses as anyone else.

To find out, 200 Japanese men between the ages of 20 and 39 were polled, presenting them with a list of 23 commonly voiced complaints from frustrated wives, and asked them to pick the ones that would hurt the most to hear. Each respondent’s top selection received three points, with two points going to his second pick and one to his third.

Let’s take a look at the top 10:

10 “Stop wasting so much money on things you don’t need!” (26 points)

In many Japanese households, the husband turns his paycheck over to his wife, who manages the family finances. She in turn gives him an allowance to spend, but as with any limit, there’s sometimes going to be pressure to stay well under it.

9. “Stop being such a lazy fatso!” (28 points)

It’s not unusual for people to put on a few pounds as they get older, and all the beers at those company drinking sessions aren’t exactly low-calorie beverages. Still, such a harsh indictment of weight-gain is going overboard in the eyes of some respondents, including one who called it “cold-hearted.”

8. “I don’t want to share a grave with you!” (33 points)

Rather than having individual final resting places, Japanese families share a monument where their ashes are entombed. The family distinction is done by marriage, not birth, and since the traditional attitude is that the wife marries into the husband’s family, her remains will be placed in the same grave as his when the time comes, to be together for all eternity. Finding out your wife isn’t interested in being along for that ride would, therefore, be a pretty big shock.

7. “At least take care of the dishes after we eat dinner!” (39 points)

Assuming that your wife made said dinner, then yeah, it would be pretty embarrassing to have her call you out for limiting your involvement in the meal to strictly the “eating” part.

6. “Take care of the cooking once in a while!” (43 points)

“I wouldn’t be able to understand her thinking, since she knows I can’t cook,” offered one participant by way of excuse. Honestly though, dude, it’s not that hard to boil some pasta and open a jar of premade spaghetti sauce. I'm not sure how I feel about #7 and #6, it depends on whether both of you work or not-if you're a housewife, I'm sorry, but you can't ask your husband to share with the housework.

5. “Show more appreciation for the things I do!” (85 points)

At first this seems like a surprisingly high ranking for a situation that sounds like it should be more hurtful for the wife, but the men who selected this response predicated it on the fact that they do, in fact, feel a deep gratitude towards their better halves. “It would hurt to know those feelings aren’t coming across,” explained one man.

4. “If we didn’t have kids, I’d totally have divorced you by now!” (97 points)

I can't speak for Japanese men, but this one would definitely lead to a divorce for me.

3. “I made a huge mistake marrying you!” (166 points)

Yep, that would sting. “I don’t think I’d be able to say anything at all in response,” one participant imagined. Again, I could definitely think of a few things to say here...most of them would be like, "Ok...so where would you like me to send your things?"

2. “You stink!” (201 points)

I'm guessing this one is just a way of complaining about something small, when she really wants to complain about something bigger.

1. “Earn more money!” (230 points)

Even though more Japanese women are working now than in previous generations, there’s still a societal expectation for a married man to be the breadwinner, and often once children enter the picture, the wife will quit her job to take care of them full-time. For a man, being told that you’re still not doing enough to contribute to the family can hit a guy right where it hurts. His pride.

So, wives out there? Have you said any of these to your husband?

Have a great day!


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