Try harder. It's worth it!

Good morning everyone,

It's still not going to be a sunny day, but at least it's not supposed to rain. A few clouds may keep the temperature down anyway, right? Enjoy it while you can because the rest of the week will be hot and sunny (although 3-4C cooler than last week).

In a lot of ways, conscientiousness feels like the least sexy of the “Big Five” personality traits, a group that also includes extroversion, agreeableness, openness, and neuroticism. Painted with a broad brush, people who are conscientious are organized, thorough, diligent, and good at responding to emails. They’re into making plans, and being punctual, and other activities that tend to be a far cry from the things we typically associate with exciting sex: adventurousness, passion, staying in the moment instead of two steps ahead.

It’s an idea that we all seem to have— spontaneity is hot, careful planning isn’t — to a frustrating extent, even though the actual experience of sex often contradicts it. Sexual desire, for both men and women, is often a slow-building, reactive response, rather than an urge that hits out of nowhere. You might say it’s carefully planned.

A study published last week in the Journal of Sex Research adds a little more evidence to the argument that our sexual priorities are a bit skewed, illustrating that conscientiousness isn’t a mood-killer — it is an important tool for maintaining a satisfying sex life.

To be honest, I loved this study, mostly because I'm at the age now where spontaneity doesn't really happen in my sex-life anymore. Ha ha! It needs to be planned.

Which, for anyone who’s in a long-term relationship, is more than a little soothing. It’s encouraging, even: a suggestion that the best part of your sex life as a couple may be yet to come. The things that we're told make for good sex so often don’t line up with the realities of a long-term relationship. But here, with data to back it up, is a reminder that trying hard can be hot, and that intention can be better than abandon.

Whew! That was a hard read, wasn't it? It's all a little scientific for me, but basically it means that trying to be a good lover is important in having good sex. That seems pretty logical doesn't it?

Have a great day!

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